Barry Bonds Quotes
“I don’t have to [use steroids]. I mean, I’m a good enough ballplayer as it is. I don’t need to be any better. I can’t get any better at this age.”
“A lot of people are a lot different at work than they are at home.”
“I never asked. When he said it was flaxseed oil, I just said, ‘Whatever.’ It was in the ballpark … in front of everybody. I mean, all the reporters, my teammates, I mean they all saw it. I didn’t hide it.”
“And all it takes is to shun one reporter because maybe you have to go home or have some other responsibility or whatever. That can spark a fire throughout the rest of the season.”
“All you guys lied! All of y’all and the story have lied. Should you have asterisks behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong. All of you have dirt. When your closet’s clean, then come clean somebody else’s … What did I do? What did I do? What are you going to apologize for when you’re wrong? This is old stuff. I mean, it’s like watching Sanford and Son. It’s just rerun after rerun after rerun. It’s almost comical, basically. We’ve got alcohol that’s the No. 1 killer in America, and we legalize that. You’ve got tobacco, No. 2 or 3 killer in America. We legalize that. There’s other issues. It’s become Hard Copy all day long. Are you guys jealous? Are you upset? Disappointed? What? … I don’t know if steroids are going to help you in baseball. I just don’t believe it.”
“Back when I first started Nolan Ryan was still a dominating pitcher - even though he was at the end of his career. The best thing I ever did was strike out three times against him in Spring Training, because I wanted to be in there so badly.”
“Baseball is just my job.”
“I didn’t feel any pressure because I didn’t really understand what my father did.”
“I don’t ever remember having any bad times here in Pittsburgh.”
“I don’t know if the record is going to happen. I don’t really think about the record. There are other things I worry about.”
“The fact that someone should write in the newspaper is, I’ve never failed a drug test.”
“You’re talking about something that wasn’t even illegal at the time. All this stuff about supplements, protein shakes, whatever. Man, it’s not like this is the Olympics.”
“I don’t know what you guys say, but at home, life is way different from baseball.”
“I have a chef who makes sure that I’m getting the right amounts of carbs, proteins and fats throughout the day to keep me at my max performance level.”
“I liked baseball, but my idols were Willie Mays and a lot of the other ballplayers.”
“I love San Francisco and I love you fans. My family knows, God knows, I’m proud to wear this uniform.”
“I need to win, man. I’ve had numbers, but I’ve never won a World Series.”
“I never stop looking for things to try and make myself better.”
“There is nothing better than walking out and hitting a home run.”
The Best Of Muhammad Ali Quotes
If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.
Now you see me, now you don’t. George (Foreman) thinks he will, but I know he won’t.
A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.
I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world.
We have one life; it soon will be past; what we do for God is all that will last.
A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he’ll never crow. I have seen the light and I’m crowing.
I’ll be floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee.
Funny Baseball Quotes
Throughout the years, America’s national pastime has produced some of the greatest quotes, here’s the funniest of the funny:
“He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.” - Harry Kalas on Gary Maddox
“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” - Dave Barry
“Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.” - Ted Williams
“If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.” - George Brett
“If horses can’t eat it, I won’t play on it.” - Dick Allen
“I’d walk through hell in a gasoline suit to keep playing baseball.” - Pete Rose
“I don’t put any foreign substances on the baseball. Everything I use is from the good old U.S.A.” - George Frazier
Dumb Sports Quotes
Athletes may be role models on the field, but off of it they tend to provide some of the best of the worst moments. And here at The Funny Section, we’re happy for it.
Here’s part I of a collection of dumb sports quotes.
“On this team, we are all united in a common goal: to keep my job.” -
“I’d run over my mother to win the Super Bowl.”
Yogi Berra Quotes
If you don’t know where you’re going, chances are you will end up somewhere else.I really didn’t say everything I said.If you ask me a question I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.It ain’t the heat; it’s the humility.
It’s deja-vu all over again.
You should always go to other people’s funerals. Otherwise they won’t come to yours.
The only reason I need these gloves is ’cause of my hands.
You can’t think and hit at the same time.
If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.
If I didn’t wake up, I’d still be sleeping.
The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.
I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.
If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.
Never answer an anonymous letter.
90% of the game is half mental.
It’s never happened in the World Series history - and it hasn’t happened since.
I’m as red as a sheet.
It’s not too far, it just seems like it is.
If you don’t set goals, you can’t regret not reaching them.
Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.
We were overwhelming underdogs.
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.
You mean now? (When asked for the time.)
We have a good time together, even when we’re not together.
Little League baseball is a good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets and the kids out of the house.
The future ain’t what it used to be.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Pair up in threes.
Don’t get me right, I’m just asking.
I wish I had an answer to that, because I’m tired of answering that question.
You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough in the second half you give what’s left.
90% of short putts don’t go in.
We made too many wrong mistakes.
Thanks, you don’t look so hot yourself. (After being told he looked cool.)
We’re lost, but we’re making great time!
If people don’t want to come to the ball park, how are you going to stop them?
How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don’t know how to spell my name. (Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to “Bearer”.)
I’d say he’s done more than that. (When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.)
He can run anytime he wants. I’m giving him the red light. (On the acquisition of Rickey Henderson.)
I knew exactly where it was, I just couldn’t find it.
If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.
You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
You better cut the pizza in four pieces. I’m not hungry enough to eat eight.
I don’t know, I’m not in shape yet. (When asked what size cap he wanted.)
I want to thank you for making this day necessary. (On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in 1947.)
I don’t remember leaving, so I guess we didn’t go.
I’d find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I’d return it. (When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.)
I usually take a two hour nap, from one to four.
Steve McQueen looks good in this movie. He must have made it before he died.
It gets late early out there. (Referring to the sun conditions in left field at the stadium.)
It was hard to have a conversation with anyone - there were too many people talking.
I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.
Texas has a lot of electrical votes. (During an election campaign - after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.)
You can observe a lot just by watching.
No, you didn’t wake me up. I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.
I really liked it. Even the music was good. (When asked if he liked the opera one evening.)
Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.
Shut up and talk.
Once, Yogi’s wife Carmen asked, “Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?” To this, Yogi replied, “Surprise me.”
Carmen said “I took Tim to see Doctor Zhivago today.” Yogi replied, “What the hell’s wrong with him now?”
