The Funny Section

If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.

Now you see me, now you don’t. George (Foreman) thinks he will, but I know he won’t.

A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.

I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world.

We have one life; it soon will be past; what we do for God is all that will last.

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he’ll never crow. I have seen the light and I’m crowing.

I’ll be floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee.

“I wanted to say to Elvis Presley and the country that this is a real decent, fine boy.” - Ed Sullivan (during Elvis’ third appearance on the show)

“A lot of people have accused Elvis of stealing the black man’s music, when in fact, almost every black solo entertainer copied his stage mannerisms from Elvis.” - Jackie Wilson

“Before Elvis, there was nothing.” - John Lennon

“Stick to driving a truck, because you’ll never make it as a singer.” - Eddie Bond (memphis musician)

“There have been a lotta tough guys. There have been pretenders. And there have been contenders. But there is only one king.” - Bruce Springsteen

“His kind of music is deplorable, a rancid smelling aphrodisiac . . . It fosters almost totally negative and destructive reactions in young people.” - Frank Sinatra

Quotes from comedian Steven Wright.

“We had a quicksand box in our backyard.  I was an only child, eventually.”

“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”

“I won the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.”

“Anywhere is walking distance if you’ve got the time.”

“I was walking down the street wearing glasses when my prescription ran out.”

“My grandfather invented Cliff’s Notes.  It all started back in 1912 . . . Well, to make a long story short . . .”

“I was writing an unauthorized autobiography.”

“I wrote a few children’s books.  Not on purpose.”

“If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?”

“First time I read the dictionary I thought it was a poem about everything.”