The Funny Section

“I have to confess that it’s crossed my mind that you could not be a Republican and a Christian.”

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.  We are the president.”

“We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”

“I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.”

“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”

“If I didn’t kick his ass every day, he wouldn’t be worth anything.” (on Bill Clinton)

“In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7. Well, I want you all to know that I’m keeping a chart.”

Some of the best of the worst: 

“I have the most reliable friend you can have in American politics and that is ready money.” - Sen. Phil Gramm

“Do you come here often?” - Ted Kennedy, to a patron of a Brooklyn soup kitchen

“Too bad 90% of the politicians give the other 10% a bad reputation.” - Henry Kissinger

“We’ve never had a president named Bob.  And I think it’s about time.” - Bob Dole

“There’s nothing wrong with this country that we couldn’t cure by turning it over to the police for a couple of weeks.” - George Wallace, 1967

“There’s no ethical problem there.  I used to teach ethics - trust me.” - William Bennett, George H.W. Bush’s antidrug czar, championing the idea of decapitating drug dealers

From the Hollywood Confidential

“During a high-level meeting with Arab leadres, Reagon offhandedly remarked to the Lebansese foreign minister, ‘You know, your nose looks just like Danny Thomas’s.’”

“When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it.  I didn’t inhale and never tried it again.”

“I may not have been the greatest president, but I’ve had the most fun eight years.”

“The economy has produced 6.1 million jobs since I became president, and if Michael Jordan comes back to the Bulls, it will be 6,100,001 jobs.” – Bill Clinton, in 1995

“Look, half the time when I see the evening news, I wouldn’t be for me, either.” –Bill Clinton, in 1995, on a pre-campaign swing through Montana and Colorado

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”